Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
