Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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