I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
