The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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