I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
