Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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