So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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