How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
