Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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