Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
