He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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