We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
