love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
