she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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