before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You took a bar mat shot.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
