His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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