Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
