can u get pink eye on your cock?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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