I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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