areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
