he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
