y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
