Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
