I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
