we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
