We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
