pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
