Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
