this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I love you.
Bad choice
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