i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
