Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Terrible idea I love it
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
