mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
