That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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