I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
