i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
