Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
