There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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