Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
and she was petting her beer can
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
