trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
