We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
