Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
