They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
