Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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