You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
