this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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