Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
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We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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