that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
