remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
