There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
dude. I can hear the air.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
