Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
