we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
